The Style Invitational Week 931 Limerixicon 8

By Pat Myers, Published: August 4 | Updated: Friday, August 5, 9:00 AM

An ecdysiast likes to be nude,

Which to some people seems a bit crude.

But some others applaud

This most talented broad.

(By “some others” we mean genus Dude.)

If it’s August — and this year it’s abundantly obvious in Washington — then it’s time for the Invite to catch up with the monumental task of Chris J. Strolin and his minions to produce the Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick form, five lines at a time. They’re now just about to reach the 70,000-limerick mark since starting with A in 2004, and are now all the way to . . . This week: Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters ea- through el-, as in the example above (“ecdysiast” is a fancy word for stripper) by Washington Post Limerician on Retainer Gene Weingarten. See washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational for our fairly strict rules on limerick rhyme and meter, and see oedilf.com for submitting limericks there after this contest is over.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second prize receives Paparazzi Shades, a pair of sunglasses that looks in a photo as if someone’s stuck a strip of identity-hiding tape across your eyes. The Empress wears them in her Facebook status photo. Donated by totally visible Loser Jeff Contompasis.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 15; results published Sept. 4 (Sept. 2 online). Include “Week 931” in your e-mail subject line, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week’s results and this week’s honorable-mentions subhead are both by Kevin Dopart.

Report from Week 927: Drive-by shoutings, in which we sought the short poems of the sort that used to be posted as a series of roadside signs to advertise Burma-Shave shaving cream. Like those relics, they sometimes hawk a product and other times serve as a driver-safety PSA.

The winner of the Inker:

Why exercise

To get a date?

WE’LL do the push-ups;

YOU’LL look great!

Wonderbra.

(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

2. Winner of the Cluster Springs Sanitary Services Portable Toilet Rentals official ball cap:

Tip for new drivers

In the Sunshine State:

Blinker on means

Going straight.

AARP.

(David Ballard, Reston, Va.)

3. On a bridge

With breezes wafting,

Drive carefully

Or you’ll be rafting.

(Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

4. Sure, do your makeup!

That should please

The first responding

EMTs.

(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

Kerouwhacked: Honorable mentions

The same-sex marriage

Path is cleared,

So now’s the time

To lose your beard.

Burma-Shave.

(Brendan Beary)

Lather up

So you can stop

Approximating

ZZ Top.

Burma-Shave.

(Mike Caslin, Round Hill, Va.)

Life is tough

And that’s for sure —

Luckily

We have the cure!

Philip Morris.

(Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)

He watched the female

Jogger’s keister;

With eyes off road,

He predeceased her.

(Brendan Beary)

dont txt an driv

or u wl b

not LOL

but OMG.

(Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

No longer alive,

Since, sadly, he blundered:

He thought 95

Was the Indy Five Hunderd.

(Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Sex at the wheel

Is horribly risky,

So hire a driver

Before you get frisky.

Acme Limo Service.

(Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland)

Now I lay me

Down to sleep.

I pray the Lord

Knows how to beep.

No-Doz.

(Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)

If, Mrs. Sprat,

You choose to fly,

Please greet your mate

Like this: “Jack! Hi!”

TSA.

(Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)

You drink champagne

And dine on partridge?

If so, you can

Afford our cartridge.

HP Printers.

(John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

An ample breast,

A supple thigh.

Come on in

And watch us fry!

KFC.

(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Congressman Weiner

Has resigned,

But we still have

The other kind.

Massengill.

(Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)

We know you now

Depend on us —

So please don’t leave

For Google+.

Facebook.

(Stephen Litterst, Newark, Del.)

The call of FarmVille

Never ends

From all your so-called

Facebook friends.

Google+.

(Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)

And last:

Lady Bird,

Don’t spin distressed,

We’re only doing

This in jest.

--The Style Invitational. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

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